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June 20, 2012 Comments (2) Musings

Driven Crazy


 Editors Note:  After this article was submitted Missing Nail’s wife was involved in a collision with a car.  She was on her bike and the driver (ticketed) said she never saw her.

Dear Mr. Car Manufacturer:

Have you ever seen a human run over by a car?  I have.  I actually stood 10 feet from the man and watched him die.  I can still picture it vividly- it’s horrifying.  I bring this up because it seems every commercial for a new car these days is basically an ad for a dash-mounted TV connected to a 4,000 lb land missile.  Pardon me for being pissy but I am sick and tired of seeing ads where the driver is glued to the video on the dash and not the humans driving, cycling and running on the road.

FYI: Distracted drivers are 23 times more likely to be involved in an accident.

So who’s the genius that decided to put the damn TV in the dash anyway?  I would like to meet him or her.  You know, shake their hand, pat them on the back and kick them square in the ass.  What’s next on the list?  A baby crib mobile made from handguns and hand grenades?  A beanbag chair full of razorblades?  Or maybe a parachute without a rip-cord.  It seems to me that we are motivated to invent ways to kill people…I’m just here to help.

If I see one more report about a driver “suddenly losing control” of their vehicle I am going to suddenly lose control of my bowels.  Let’s call it what it is:  Jackass was staring at his mega-dash or texting as he drove into the back of another car or person out exercising.  As if the temptation to text wasn’t enough, Mercedes now has this in their cars!  Are you shitting me?  I know the rich never have issues with driving or responsibility…Of course Mercedes is not the only company with “dash-candy” to lure the drivers attention off the road. More and more car manufacturers are working their way up to bigger screens and more distractions.

Of course this isn’t an attack on the rich.  We, as Americans are not always the sharpest pencils in the box.  We watch this, eat this and spend our money on this.  In fact, today I was sitting behind a car trying to leave a parking lot and he had his head down and wasn’t moving.  After an impregnated pause he finally looked up and then put on his hazards so he could finish texting…you got the hazard part right.  The hazard is me using my bumper to push you into oncoming traffic.

What kind of people have we become when we can’t just drive a damn car without some form of LCD stimulation?   Look around at a red light and you will see everyone staring into their lap at their phone.  I know…we are Americans and are not very good with self-control.  At least realize how stupid you look with your double chin posture staring at your crotch.  Unless you are a taxi or bus driver, I am going to assume you don’t work from your car.  Then why the hell do you want to read work emails on your time?  Do you really want to hurt or kill someone because of an email from Dave from accounting?  Really?

TEXT MESSAGING: lol no im nt bsy im only driving

So let me get this straight.  We are making cars more indestructible while also making the features more likely to cause an accident.  Do I have this right? As a runner who spends countless hours a year running on the road’s shoulder (on my way to the safe trails) I would like to know. On the bright side, the families of the victims will at least have a shot at suing the well protected driver after he plows into another car or runs over their loved ones.

In the end, I have accepted that I will probably be killed by some asshat texting  “LOL!”  while veering out of his lane and crushing me with his car.  What I haven’t accepted is that it may occur to a member of my family.  So here’s your warning: Take one of mine and I will take two of yours.  Why two?  Because I’m not the jack-wad that put the home entertainment system in the dash or the crotch-texting moron blindly driving the land missile.  I’m the non-polluting, quiet runner you are seconds from killing…OMG!


2 Responses to Driven Crazy

  1. leeapeea says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your wife and I hope she is ok!!

    • MissingNail says:

      A little bumped and bruised but OK-Thanks. There must be something in the air. I had three vehicles (car, UPS truck and USPS truck) blow stop signs earlier this week while I was running causing my heart skip a beat as I maneuvered out of the way.

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