10 Reasons I’m Glad I couldn’t Run Western States
So, I spent most of Sunday moping around the house, checking Western States’ results updates, eating chocolate pudding with whipped cream, and feeling sorry for myself because I couldn’t run the race this year. But then I remembered all the Oprah episodes I’ve watched over the past 25 years (and how many hours of my life I’d spent with someone I’ve never met – call me, Op!), and I knew that the only way to move forward was to think of all the reasons it was good that I couldn’t run Western States:
1. By losing $1000 on the accomodations I couldn’t use at Squaw Valley, I now don’t have the money to waste on frivolities like unnecessary shoes, purses, or dental care.
2. Instead of spending a weekend running in the mountains with skinny, sweaty people caked with dirt, I laid on the beach with chubby, sweaty people caked with sand – much classier.
3. Because I was at the beach instead of in the mountains, I was able to set aside my fear of getting eaten by a mountain lion for one weekend. Yes, I had to worry about getting eaten by a shark, but they usually only bite off your limbs, a much better way to die because your face is spared. Mountain lions have no regard for vanity and usually go for the face and neck.
4. I didn’t have to worry about looking good for the cool professional race photos they take on the WS course that make the runners look like true badasses. The stress of a photo session is just more than I could have handled. I much prefer the distorted, fuzzy self-portraits I take when I’m trail running.
5. I missed the Friday night earthquake at Squaw Valley. Whew. Staying in Los Angeles is so much safer – nothing bad ever happens here.
6. I didn’t have to get my brand new trail shoes dirty.
7. I didn’t have to miss the “Good Witch” marathon that played all day yesterday on Lifetime Movie Network. Who knows when that golden opportunity would have presented itself again.
8. I got to eat this
And no gel-induced puking! (We won’t get into the snow-cone, chocolate pudding-induced stomach ache I suffered through for 4 hours.)
9. I don’t have to go buy a new belt for the cool belt buckle I might have gotten for finishing Western States – one less errand to run.
10. Okay, I can’t think of a tenth reason – even for Oprah. (But still call me, Op! Let’s do lunch!)