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Rite of Passage – Mens Room

May 13, 2012 Comments (5) Musings

Sponsorship Part Deux – Vainglorious


The first step of the sponsorship process is to read Sherpa John’s article-It’s full of great information from a credible source. When I read it I remembered a little piece I wrote about a year ago on the subject and thought I would post it as a supplement to Sherpa’s work. As for my credibility…that’s yet to be determined…

If you’ve followed my blog over the past year you may have seen this piece before. Then again, according to the visitor traffic reports most readers took the “Catholic Mass” approach and visited twice a year when they were guilted into going…(I’m Catholic-I can say that).

Supporting an expensive habit isn’t easy, just ask Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe. What starts as a recreational activity soon turns into an full-blown addiction. With this addiction comes a black hole of expense.  While our running addictions don’t include needle use, a massive shoe collection, foam roller, massages, acupuncture and race fees all eat away at the family budget. Paying for all of this isn’t easy.  I ask for extra small race t-shirts and spare gels just to keep the kids clothed and fed. Currently I am making them braces from twist ties and tin foil.

So the obvious answer is to get someone else to pay for your selfish pleasure-like ordering the Bloomin’ Onion and the large Budweiser on a business trip and expensing it.  But how do you sucker seduce beg trick approach companies to welfare your running addiction? Well, a letter is a great place to start. Letters are nice in that they keep that guy in the ugly white jeep that tears the cover on your Runner’s Word magazine every month employed.

So here it is. I am sharing my sponsorship letter with you as a template to use at your leisure. Just fill in the blanks and you are all set. I can almost see you suckling from the Nike teat now.

Dear [Company Contact]:

Ron Burgandy in Anchorman said it best: “I don’t know how to put this but, I’m kind of a big deal. People know me.”

When I heard [company name] was receiving resumes from elite athletes I immediately thought I should send mine since I am one of the most Elitist Athletes I, and everyone else, should know. It is really quite simple…I am glorious and the world should, and will, know it.

So…If I am “pimping” your product it is a win-win all around. I get free schwag and you get a representative that will be competing on a domestic scale in [sport]. Resplendent in my off the shelf clothing and lost in a gaggle of age-group hacks, mini-van drivers and charity fund raising athletes most will get a look at me and want whatever I am “selling.”

I would list all my great race results but that information is under a box of medals and trophies that is honestly too heavy to lift. Last year’s Christmas card had a picture of me in a bathtub, naked, covered in all my competition medals. Who needs soap on a rope when I have 3rd in my age group at some park in South Carolina?

The important thing is what I plan on doing. I will grace numerous races with my presence anywhere the stars and stripes flies on a flagpole. I will wear/use your [insert product here] and let the world know how much faster I am going because of it. I’m amazed you’ve managed to stay in business this long without me.

The bottom line is I am a product whore and I know how to get people excited about whatever is inside the gravitational pull of my inflated ego. With a head this big you can bet there is a lot of “pull” for the products [your name] uses (please note the 3rd person reference).

It will be a banner year for the elitist in me. I hope (insert company name here) can be part of the magic.

Get it while it’s hot!

[Your name]


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5 Responses to Sponsorship Part Deux – Vainglorious

  1. EnduranceJer says:

    So epic! I love you Nail!

  2. cherie says:

    my friend wanted to take photos of me naked in the bathtub covered with my former sponsor’s product….they stopped their sponsorship product, not because they thought i bathed with their energy products. 🙂

  3. toni aurilio says:

    I’m sending 10 letters tomorrow. After spending all weekend at MMT, the first is going to DEET.

  4. MissingNail says:

    EnduranceJer…love you too! You’ll see that picture again in this year’s X-Mas card…

    Cherie…It sounds like that “friend” was up to something. Of course some form of gel would have been warmer than cold medals.

    Toni…Best of luck…this letter actually has worked for me before. I think they like the honesty.

    To all: Thanks for reading. Come back soon ya’ hear!

  5. […] first three people that find me (Missing Nail) at the event and shout “Vainglorious” will get autographed […]

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